Easton's 10 Month Update

This monthly update snuck up on me. We have had a rough few weeks. The last weekend of February Eric, Easton, and I went up to Casper to watch State Wrestling. Easton has never slept well in hotel rooms so the first night we were there we didn't think much of it when he continued this trend. The next day his cheeks were a little rosy and his nose was running a little bit but he was teething so we once again chalked up his symptoms to something else. That night he felt pretty warm to me so I took his temperature. He had a fever of 101 degrees. He was also starting to get a little cough. We gave him some Tylenol and then snuggled him for the rest of the night because all he did was scream.

On the way home I just felt like something was not right and that this wasn't just something that was going to come and go easily. Eric and I talked about it and we decided we needed to take him into the walk-in clinic. As soon as we pulled into town we went straight to the clinic. They told us that since he was running a fever he needed to wear a mask. That was not going to happen. I don't know if you have ever tried to make your 9 month old wear a surgical mask, but it doesn't work. So, we sat in the corner away from everyone else that was in there.

After 1 hour of waiting we were taken back. The doctor did some swabs and told us she was pretty sure Easton had RSV. When the test results came back it turned out that he actually had Influenza B and an ear infection. They then took us to the x-ray room and took an x-ray of his chest. His lungs had a little fluid in them so they sent us home with a Nebulizer... and Tamiflu, and Amoxicillin. They also told us to start giving him Tylenol and Motrin every 6 hours.

We went home and started giving him the medicine. It wasn't long before he was throwing everything up. He could not keep anything down. After 5 hours of this we took him into the ER. They got us in the back pretty quickly but then we sat for 4 hours before we were able to see the doctor. He was so dehydrated that they wanted to start an I.V. Unfortunately they could not get a vain in either of his arms so we were forced to pour Pedialyte down his throat. They also gave him some Zofran and finally sent us home.

He was on the mend when he suddenly broke out into an awful rash. I gave him several oatmeal baths but it was not helping. We took him back to the doctor and it turns out that he was having a reaction to his Amoxicillin. They told us to just quit giving it to him. So... The last couple of weeks have been some busy ones. (But we have already met our deductible :) I am glad to report that Easton is finally feeling better and is back to my happy little boy!

So with no further ado:

-Easton has fully figured out how to crawl and he is stinking fast. We have to really keep an eye on him because he will be in one place and then in a completely other place in a matter of seconds.

-He can pull himself up on anything now. He is also starting to try and walk around the objects he pulls himself up on but he is still a little scared of that.

-Now that he is so mobile he is starting to get a lot of bumps and bruises. Poor guy.

-When he does pull himself up onto something he gets kind of scared when it is time to sit back down. He will start crying and whining and then he will bend his little legs and plop down onto his bum. He then realizes that it wasn't as bad as he thought.

-He has been doing this thing we call a cheesy grin. He will squint his little eyes, wrinkle his little nose, make his jaw go crooked, and give you the cheesiest smile you have ever seen. It is so cute!

Pictures

This is the nasty, awful, horrible rash that covered my baby!

And this is his cheesy grin that I love so much!

10 Things They Don't Tell You About a C-Section

C-Section= Worst. Thing. Ever. But also the coolest thing ever because you get a cute little baby out of the whole ordeal!

Since that is now off of my chest I can get down to the nitty gritty. I thought I had an idea of what c-sections entailed but I was SO off. There are a lot of things people don't tell you about c-sections. Probably so that they can willingly lead you off to the operating room without a fight. So, I am here to reveal the true details. You have been warned.

1.) It's a little sad.
While this may not be true for some women, it was how I felt. Women are supposed to be built for having babies. You go into the hospital thinking that you will be able to uphold your womanly purpose and push a baby out. It is quite a shock when the doctors tell you that you cannot physically have a baby on your own. When my doctor told me that I immediately felt like a wimp. That feeling lasted for a couple of weeks and I still envy those who can have a baby the normal way. I do feel lucky that I live in this day and age though or else neither Easton or I would be here today!

2.) You feel like you are going to die.
Before I found out I had to get split open I got an epidural. Heaven. That's all I will say about that. So then when I had to get a c-section, they gave me even more numbing medicine. The medicine numbs you from your chest down. When they gave me that medicine I couldn't feel my lungs. I couldn't breath no matter how hard I tried to calm down and focus on breathing. I remember thinking, "I just went through 40 weeks of growing a human and now I am going to die and I won't even be able to hold my baby." Needless to say, I passed out, freaked my husband and the nurses out, and was immediately rushed into an emergency c-section.

3.) Ever been to a branding? 
Mmmmmm the smell of burning skin. If you  get a c-section be prepared for that! They cauterize your incision as they cut. I have to say, smelling your own burning flesh is not something I was quite prepared for. Especially since that was the first thing that greeted my senses when I finally came to. Sick.

4.) You probably won't remember the details.
The meds they give you will make you feel like you are walking through a fog. Eric has had to tell me multiple times all that happened once I was wheeled into the recovery room. I don't even remember feeding Easton for the first time. :( I have no idea if he latched on right away or how long he ate for.

5.) Milk of Magnesia ain't no joke.
This one is a little embarrassing but since we all poop I am going to write about it anyways. While I was enjoying my stay at the hospital the nurses kept bringing in shots of Milk of Magnesia. I didn't really think much of it. They told me to take it so I did. Well... they neglected to tell me to keep taking it after I got home. With a new baby and no sleep I didn't even notice that I hadn't used the bathroom for a few days. Several nights after we got home from the hospital I got the urge. You know the one. Turns out that it was the WORST. Constipation. Ever. While I sat on the toilet and felt like death, Eric went to the store to buy me some Milk of Magnesia. I sat on the toilet for probably an hour. I was sweating and felt close to death. I was in so much pain that even having my clothes touch me hurt. So... there I was, sitting on the toilet... in just my bra. Next thing I know, my mother in-law is at the door knocking and asking if she could come in. At that point I didn't care who saw me, mainly because I was going to die like Elvis did so I thought I should say my goodbyes. Suzy is a massage therapist so she was showing me ways to rub my stomach to help me out. You are not close to your mother in-law until she coaches you on how to poop while you are sitting on the toilet sweating and in nothing but a bra. Let's just say, it was a long night and from that point on I doubled my dose of Milk of Magnesia.

6.) Functioning like a normal person is out of the question.
I was unprepared for the slouchiness I had to endure for six weeks. The first two weeks there is no way you will be able to stand up straight. After that, you can only stand up straight for short periods of time. A week and a half after I had Easton I had to go to a school meeting where I had the chance of meeting all of my new kindergartners and their parents before summer started. One of my teaching partners asked me why I was walking so funny... Not fun. It was really interesting when people started calling me the Hunchback of Notre Dame and gargoyles became my best friends.

7.) Let's just nap.
Total exhaustion does not even begin to cover how you feel for the first 6 weeks after a c-section. Not only are you tired from having a baby that does not sleep at night, but you are exhausted because your body is working overtime to try and heal itself. Eric and I would go for a walk around the block and it was all I could do not to lay down halfway through. Poor Eric. I don't think he had ever walked that slow in all of his life. My friend, who can push babies out like it's no big deal, called me 2 weeks after I had Easton and asked if I wanted to go walk around the fishing lake. I just laughed. I told her that going around the block almost killed me let alone going around a lake!

8.) I don't think my lungs are working.
I don't know what it is, but for the first few weeks it feels like you can't get enough air in your lungs no matter how hard you try. Going up a small flight of stairs would leave me out of breath like an obese 80 year old.

9.) That's not funny.
If you know someone who has just had a c-section, do not, I repeat, DO NOT make them laugh. It hurts, it hurts bad. So does coughing, sneezing, breathing, talking, moving, getting kicked by your tiny baby, and getting jumped on by one of your stupid dogs.

10.) Ummmm, this is not normal, is it?
My baby is about 3 1/2 months old and I can still feel the stitches underneath my scar. They staple your skin shut but they stitch up your uterus. They pull the staples out before you leave but the stitches have to disolve on their own. I have one that feels like it is going to poke through my skin at any given moment. It is pretty strange. I have been told that they will eventually go away. Who knows?

So there you have it, 10 lovely things they don't bother telling you about a c-section. At least next time I will know a few little tricks to help make it a little easier on myself! Oh and the next person to tell me that at least having my next baby will be so much easier because I won't have to go through labor, I may or may not punch them.

Easton Months 8-9

So I clearly missed Easton's 8 month update so I will just combine them in this post. I feel like Easton has just bloomed over these last couple of months. They are not kidding when they say kids are little sponges. Easton learns new things so fast. It amazes me how fast babies can pick up new things. With that being said, here are some fun facts about Easton:

-He is legit crawling now. At first he was just doing this weird crawl where he would roll to one side and push with his little legs and then roll to the other side and do the same thing. You don't realize how unbaby-proofed your house is until you have a baby that is mobile.

-He will fake cough and then think he is hilarious when he does it. It is really adorable. When he can't muster up a cough he makes the weirdest little gurgling noise. So funny.

-He loves bath time. He will kick and splash and scream the entire time.

-He eats anything and EVERYTHING. We have tried all kinds of different foods and he has eaten it all. He even chowed down on a lemon. He didn't really like it but he kept eating it.

-He isn't nursing as much anymore. He only nurses 4 or 5 times a day. He is starting to become more interested in real food. This makes me a little sad. I am going to be one sad mama when we are done nursing.

-He says "dada" all the time. I don't think he knows what it means but he loves that he can make that sound and get a reaction out of us.

-He HATES being told no. He will get the saddest look on his little face and then just start bawling.

-His naps are starting to get shorter and shorter. He used to take 3-4 hour naps and now we are lucky if he will sleep for 2 hours.

Now, here are his latest stats from the doctor:

-27 inches tall ------------------- 6th percentile
-17 pounds ----------------------- 9th percentile
-45.5 Head Circumference ---- 64th percentile

Due to his percentiles, I now refer to him as my T-Rex baby. He has a little body and a big head! I don't think it looks like he has a big head though. Maybe I just have mom eyes. I hope he grows a little more soon because it would suck to be little AND have the last name of Small. Trust me, I would know. ;)

Easton 7 Months

I remember this time last year very well. I was about 20 weeks pregnant. I kept thinking, "This time next year I will have a 7 month old." Well... That time has come. It is Christmas Eve and here I am with a 7 month old. I know I say this every time I post about Easton, but it really does go by so incredibly fast. Easton is such a happy little boy and we are so blessed to have him in our lives. He is the best Christmas present ever! This is our first year celebrating Christmas as a little family. Even though Easton doesn't really understand the concept yet, I can already tell that celebrating Christmas with a kid is going to be way more fun for me than for him!

Here is his 7 month old growth picture:

His face is saying what I am thinking, "How did I get so big already?" This was the only picture I could get of him not grabbing his moose and trying to eat it. Little terd! Here are some stats:

*He is almost 16 pounds.

*He loves to eat fruits and sweet potatoes. He isn't a huge fan of vegetables but he will usually eat them without complaint.

*He will give you kisses when you ask for them. They are the most slobbery kisses but they are the absolute best.

*He is starting to figure out how to clap and wave hi and bye.

*We can put him on his hands and knees and he will hold himself up for a little while before he pushes himself forward and splats on his little belly.

*He is learning how to throw fits if he doesn't get what he wants. 

*He is sleeping through the night and has been for a few weeks now. Thank goodness.

*He has quite a bit of hair even though it is hard to see because it is pretty blonde.

*He loves his daddy. Every time he sees his dad he gets the biggest grin on his face.

*He is trying to cut the upper two front teeth.

*He loves his Kayda dog. They are best buddies and love playing together.

*He rolls and scoots himself all around our house. He is never in one spot for very long.

Easton is such a happy baby and we love him to pieces. He is the best thing that has ever happened to us!!!!! Merry Christmas. 

Easton Months 5-6

I don't even really have an excuse for not writing anything for a long time... other than I am lazy. I have however been thinking of some things to blog about so hopefully I will be posting more in the near future.

Easton has really changed in the last two months. It is so fun to watch him learn and grow. It boggles my mind how quickly he learns things! He is still the best baby in the world except for at night time. He still hasn't figured out how awesome sleep is.

Here are his latest growth pictures:

Here are the stats:

-As you can see, he is mastering the art of sitting up. Except in the bath tub... He may or may not have toppled over and swallowed some bath water in the process.

-He wiggles all over the place. He will lay on his back and scoot around the house. He is also rolling all over. He even rolled off the couch and smacked his head on the coffee table on the way down. He didn't think that was very fun and neither did his mother. I don't know who cried more, me or him.

-He LOVES Kayda. He always squeals and rolls towards her whenever he gets the chance. Some days she thinks it's fun and other days she ignores him.

-He has started giggling but we have to work our ever living butts off to get him to giggle. He does more of a grunting noise than a giggle, but hey, I will take it!

-He is turning into a major mama's boy... Which I don't mind (especially since I always tell him I am the only girl he will ever need.) I came home from work the other day and he saw me and started smiling and wiggling. I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and he started bawling. I came out and he could see me and he started smiling again. So of course I hid again just to test out his love for me. And of course he started crying again until he saw me. :)

-He is obsessed with his Johnny Jump Up now that he has figured out how it works. He bounces like a crazy man!

Overall, he is so much fun. I know I say that I hate all this growing crap, (which I really do) but I also love it. I love that he is getting to be more interactive. I love watching him learn. I just love him! Being his mom pretty much rocks!

Easton Months 1-4

Eric and I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited and....waited for Easton to get here. Now that he is here time is going by so fast. I wish I could just pause time. I know each day that passes is another day I will never get back with my little guy. He is growing so fast and I can't believe that he is already 4 months old. It's not a lie when people say that it goes by so fast. I feel like when I turn around he will already be graduating.

But... I guess growing up is inevitable so here are some fun stats about Easton.

1.) He is 4 months old. FOUR MONTHS OLD!

2.) He is starting to get very vocal. He is squawking and squealing. He thinks he is pretty neat when he makes all sorts of funny noises.

3.) He hates practicing sitting up. He either wants to stand up or lay down...

4.) He is really smiley but only in the mornings. He starts to get a little crabby at night time.

5.) We have been trying to feed him oatmeal. He still isn't sure what to think of it. I think we are going to hold off on feeding him solids for another week or two.

6.) He is the drooliest baby in the world I'm pretty sure. He always has to wear a bib or else his clothes are soaked.

7.) He is awesome at tummy time. He is pretty strong for such a little guy.

8.) At his last doctor's appointment he was in the 7th percentile for head circumference, 13th percentile for weight, and 6th percentile for height. Seeming as how he looks exactly like his daddy, Eric says that he finally got something from me haha!

9.) He absolutely loves bath time. He thinks he is Michael Phelps minus the weed. I don't know who gets more wet during bath time, me or him!

10.) He had been sleeping through the night for about 3 weeks but lately he has been sucking at sleeping. He has been getting up every 1-2 hours. Yuck. It's a good thing he is so stinking cute!

Now here is 4 months worth of growth pictures!!!!

Slow down little one. You are only this tiny once! It won't be long until you can't fit in my arms anymore. So until then, I am going to try and soak up every minute of your baby life that I can. I love you Easton.

Easton's Birth Story

I figured I needed to write this down before I forgot all of the details. Easton's birthday was an eventful one to say the least. Labor was the most intense thing I have ever been through and it didn't go the way I had hoped, but I would do it a thousand times over if it meant I would get my little Easton at the end of it!

I had two friends that were due on the same day as me (May 19, 2014). I thought that was all fun and games until they had their babies before me. I would get on stupid facebook and low and behold they would be posting pictures of them and their new babies and there I was still pregnant. I didn't exactly have the easiest of pregnancies. I threw up almost every single day. Once, I even threw up in front of my kids at school. Embarrassing. The longest I went without throwing up was 3 days throughout my entire pregnancy. So... I was very ready for my baby to make its appearance.

It drove Eric crazy when I would log onto facebook and see their pictures and burst into tears because I was very ready to be done AND hormonal. Starting May 12th we started doing everything possible to try and induce labor. We walked and walked and walked and walked some more. I also tried drinking lemon juice, eating nasty eggplant, bouncing on the bed, running up and down my stairs, walking with one leg up on the curb and the other in the gutter, running a mile, doing squats, you name it, I did it!

Nothing was working, NOTHING. I was starting to think I was going to be pregnant for the rest of my life. I figured nothing was going to work so I gave up on trying. Eric came home on May 15th from working a night shift and he crawled into bed. Since nothing I did was going to make my baby come I decided to lay around in bed, feel sorry for myself, and watch Netflix all day long. As I was watching my movies I felt a couple of gushes. It wasn't anything big or crazy so I didn't really think anything of it. When Eric woke up I told him about it and he freaked. He was sure that I was in labor and I was sure I was not in labor.

I was finally able to convince Eric to stop freaking out because I had a doctors appointment later that day and I would ask him about it. So, when we got to the doctor's office he did the usual exam and said that I was really close to having a baby and blah, blah, blah. He was just about to leave when Eric gave me the eye so I told the doc what had happened earlier. He said he would run a test to see if it was amniotic fluid. He was gone for a few minutes and he came back and said, "Well, go home and get your things, you are in labor."

All the color drained out of Eric's face and my heart skipped a few beats. It was suddenly real. So we raced home and got things squared away there. On our way to the hospital I made Eric stop at Taco John's and get me a chicken taco. It was delicious in case you were wondering. We got to the hospital and got checked in and they took me up to the delivery room.

My doctor came in and broke my water at 6:00 p.m. It was the strangest feeling ever. I felt like I was peeing my pants but I couldn't stop it. I didn't know there was that much amniotic fluid in my belly. Water was literally gushing out of me. I soaked through every towel in the room and it was flowing off the bed and all over the floor and my doctors shoes. I watched my belly go from freaking HUGE to about the size I was when I was 6 months pregnant. My water didn't stop gushing all night. They had to continually bring in more and more towels for me. The nurse even said that she had never seen that much amniotic fluid come out of someone before.

Within minutes of having my water broke my contractions started hurting more and more. They were okay if I could get up and walk around, with a towel between my legs mind you, but the minute I sat down or laid down they would hurt like crazy. However, it wasn't long before Easton's heart rate started taking a dive. If I laid on my left side it would stabilize and be okay. If I rolled over onto my back or shift in any way his heart rate would drop. So... I had to lay on my left side for the rest of the night.

By 3:00 a.m. My contractions were really strong. I was having 3 contractions in a row with each contraction lasting about a minute and only 45 seconds in between to rest. By then I was only dilated to a 5 and before my water broke I was already a 3. I told Eric that I wanted an epidural so he ran and got the nurse and at 4:00 a.m. I got my epidural and it was the best thing ever. Seriously.

I was able to doze here and there and by 7 I was fully dilated. I was able to start pushing but again I couldn't move from my left side. I pushed my ever living guts out or at least that is what it felt like anyways. The nurses and Eric were able to see Easton's head so I got really excited thinking he would be coming out soon. But nooooooo... I pushed for 31/2 hours without progressing. My doctor came in and told me I would have to get a c-section. I started crying because I did not want a c-section. He looked at me and said, "Tiffany just be happy you didn't live 100 years ago because both you and the baby would be dead." I had to agree!

So they started prepping me for surgery. As soon as they gave me more anesthesia I felt like I couldn't breath. I honestly thought I was dying. Eric said I turned ghost white and I told the nurses I was going to pass out. The last thing I remember before waking up in the operating room was Eric leaning over me saying, "Don't leave me Tiffany, don't you leave me!"

When I did finally come to everything was really hazy but I do remember smelling my own skin burning...not exactly the best smell in the world! As they would cut me open they would cauterize my skin. Gross. Anywho, it was really hard for me to stay awake. I didn't feel good and I just wanted to sleep. I kept having to tell myself to wake up so that I could see my baby when they finally got him.

Next thing I know, there was a really loud suction cupping sound and boom, Easton was out. They were holding him up over the sheet and he was covered in gunk and screaming his head off. It was very clear to me that he was a boy (we didn't find out what we were having). I thought he was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life. I didn't think I would think he was cute when he first came out but he was absolutely perfect to me. It was so exciting and I couldn't believe that he was finally here but I was still struggling with staying awake.

I don't remember them sewing me back up or wheeling me into the recovery room. I don't even really remember breastfeeding Easton for the first time. From the time they gave me more medicine for my c-section until about 8 hours after Easton was born is all really hazy and I have had to ask Eric about a lot of things that happened during that time period.

Having a c-section and having to spend 3 days in the hospital (most of which I was hooked up to oxygen) was definitely not how I planned on having Easton. It was down right miserable for about 6 weeks. However, I would do it a million times over for Easton. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I still have moments where I can't believe that I am a mommy! It is the best thing in the world!

Easton Eric Small

Born at 10:50 A.M. on May 16, 2014

Weighing 7 lbs. 1.5 oz.

19.5 inches long

100% Perfect

Throwing It Back

Since I am transitioning blogs, I am moving over some of my old posts so that they are on this new blog. This was the only post I did when I was pregnant. So... here it is:


Weeks: 24 and a half-ish

Cravings: Melted cheese and everything I can't have right now (sushi, rare steak, and runny eggs).

Weight Gain: 13 pounds.

Workouts: I still go to the gym 5-6 times a week but I am pretty sure I did my last run a few days ago. It seems as if my excessive weight gain has taken a hard hit on my legs. So now I stick to the bike, elliptical, stair master, and weights. I think I am going to do some swimming this weekend as well. And if I am being completely honest with myself, I will probably try running again because I am kind of addicted to it.

Weirdest Thing About Being Pregnant: The dreams. Seriously. They are so vivid and odd. Last night I had a dream that I had a c-section and I could look inside my belly and see my baby blinking up at me. Then I later dreamed that I had a red headed little girl but a few years later she was black with dark ringlets. I told you, weird.

Favorite Thing About Being Pregnant: Feeling and seeing the baby kick. I have been able to feel the baby for a while but it has only been about a month since I have been able to see the baby kick. Eric got to feel the baby kick on January 3rd. It was pretty awesome.

Favorite Quotes Involving My Belly: Eric's grandma said, "Well hell, you don't look pregnant, you just look fat." And one of my former students grandma looked at my belly the other day and said, "Not much longer huh?" Ugh... yeah only 3 and a half months....

Let's Get Personal

Infertility sucks. There is nothing more difficult or emotionally draining than trying to get pregnant and it not happening. August 2013 happened to be our two year mark since Eric and I had started trying to expand our family. That's right, we were having unprotected sex people! With every day that passed I was starting to feel more and more like a failure. It seemed like the harder I tried to get over the fact that I sucked at making a baby the more bitter I became. I hated Facebook and all the people who kept posting things about how awesome and pregnant they were. And what sent me into an uber rage mode was when people would complain about how uncomfortable they were due to their pregnancy. I just wanted to tell them, "Do you have any idea how many other woman would kill to be that uncomfortable?" Eventually I got over it and was semi-happy for those that could do something that I couldn't.

I kept praying that Eric and I would be blessed with a baby. After months and months of doing that with no results I finally switched to praying for understanding. Understanding for why I couldn't get pregnant. Understanding why crack heads and the woman Eric and I saw at a concert who was at least 8 months pregnant chugging a beer got pregnant but we didn't. Understanding for why I was so bitter and angry. When that understanding didn't come I eventually gave up. I hate to admit it but I cracked. What was the point of talking to someone who I felt wasn't even there? So then I became even more bitter. I was bitter towards other women that were pregnant, I was bitter towards God, and at times I was bitter towards Eric because he just did not seem to get why I was a wreck every month for 2 years.

So what did Eric and I do to try and combat my bitterness? We bought a Harley Davidson in August of course! Duh. I was bound and determined to forget about having a baby and start focusing on doing fun things with my hubs. Eric and I also started filling out applications for adoption. We knew it was going to be a long process so we started working on it right away. We even found a lawyer that had done adoption cases before. And since we were just focusing on us and adoption I went off of the awful fertility medicine I was on and quit tracking my cycle. 

Pretty soon after we bought our Harley, Eric left for the Police Academy in Douglas and I started school again. The weeks started passing by and summer was starting to fade away. Eric was only home on the weekends which was okay because I was pretty swamped with getting my classroom up and going. 

On September 15, 2013 I went to Laramie for a presentation at the University of Wyoming. On the 16th my teaching partner and I headed back to Gillette. The car ride home was awful because I felt like I was going to puke the entire time. I continued to feel sick for about 2 more weeks. I was convinced I just caught a bug from one of my germ carrying students so I didn't think much of it. My mom did though. She noticed I had been under the weather and told me to take a pregnancy test. I did the opposite. I bought tampons instead because I was starting to cramp and I just felt like my period was right around the corner.

After a few days of prompting from my mom I finally did it. I took a pregnancy test. Keep in mind, this was not the first test I had taken. That's probably why I put it off for so long. But I put on my big girl panties and took one anyways. I didn't even let myself get my hopes up because I knew that if I did the only thing that would end up happening was that I would be heart broken for another month. Imagine my surprise when I saw two dark pink lines indicating a positive pregnancy test!! I couldn't even move. I don't think I even breathed for a good 10 minutes. Finally Eric called up and asked what was taking so long. I pretended to be upset like all the other times. He was frustrated like usual. He doesn't have much patience for my blubbering. I then took the test downstairs and showed him. He just kept asking over and over again if I was sure that the test was showing a positive. 

Infertility is heartbreaking. There is no way I can describe those feelings. The only thing I do know is that God has a plan for each of us. We don't understand that plan most of the time which can be hard but, God definitely knows what we need and when we need it. I need to practice putting a little more faith in that.